Boy meets girl, boy gets girl, boy loses girl to physics.
Playwriting, Kenyon College
Hello, my name is Emily Brown and I’m 18 years old. Gatorade has a long, illustrious history of sponsoring all types of competitive athletic events, and isn’t life the greatest competition of all? I want Gatorade to be there at the finish line with me. When I die, I want Gatorade to sponsor my funeral.
I expect to die between 2070-2090. I will also pioneer the great sports of the future (iVolleyball, “BASKET”ball, WALF and Sport 2) so all of my friends will be rich, famous athletes, in addition to me being a rich, famous, hot athlete. Here are some ideas I have for the funeral:
- The funeral will take place in a stadium of your choosing. All guests of the funeral will be instructed to wear red, blue or yellow athletic clothing. In keeping with Gatorade’s emphasis on competition, teams of mourners will compete in different sporting events to determine the order of the eulogies. My corpse will serve as the referee, as outlined in the next bullet point.
- Gatorade’s current slogan (“Is it in you?”) will be brought to new heights. Mourners will watch as my corpse (which will be hanging from the ceiling of the stadium) is injected with Fruit Punch Gatorade. As the Fruit Punch Gatorade moves through my body, the strings connecting me to the ceiling will control my corpse. It will appear that the Gatorade has temporarily animated my body, allowing me to serve as the referee.
- The eulogies will also be a competition. The person with the best eulogy, as determined by a panel of Gatorade executives, will win a crate of Emily Brown Memorial Gatorade. Speakers will be strongly encouraged to use the phrases “In The Zone,” “Sweat It Out,” and “Fuel Up” in their eulogies.
- Giant speakers placed around the stadium will announce the word “SWEAT” every 30 seconds at a moderate level to keep everyone in the competitive, Gatorade spirit.
- At the end of the ceremony, my body will be cut down from the ceiling and placed in a giant Gatorade bottle. Guests will watch as Blue Frost Gatorade fills the bottle and envelopes my corpse. Later, this bottle will be coated in many layers of plastic and used as a vending machine in Times Square.
This entire event will be televised and will replace the halftime show at the Super Bowl. I hope you are willing to discuss my plans further.
Thank you and God Bless,
Why should I want it still. What can I do with this want. How can I transfer it to something I can have?Sylvia Plath, from The Unabridged Journals Of Sylvia Plath (via pfoe)
Jenny Holzer’s famous truism “Protect me from what I want” renders in a very precise way the fundamental ambiguity of the hysterical position. It can either be read as an ironic reference to the standard male chauvinist wisdom that a woman, when left to herself, gets caught in the self-destructive fury, so that she must be protected from herself by the benevolent male domination: “Protect me from the excessive self-destructive desire in me that I myself am not able to dominate.” Or it can be read in a more radical way, as pointing towards the fact that in today’s patriarchal society, woman’s desire is radically alienated, that she desires what men expect her to desire, that she desires to be desired by men. In this case, “Protect me from what I want” means “What I want, precisely when I seem to formulate my authentic innermost longing, is already imposed on me by the patriarchal order that tells me what to desire, so the first condition of my liberation is that I break up the vicious cycle of my alienated desire and learn to formulate my desire in an autonomous way.”Slavoj Žižek, How To Read Lacan (via aminaabramovic)
Kim celebrates her 27th birthday at Les Deux, October 2007
I just realized my it’s my half sister’s birthday because my stepmom posted about it on Facebook.. I am the worst sister
I see this professor doesn’t abide by the laws of grammar
What You Crave vs What You Need
- Chocolate: Raw nuts/seeds.
- Oily/Fatty Snacks: Kale, leafy greens.
- Soda/Carbonated Drinks: Actual, literal bubbles.
- Chips/Salty Food: Topsoil.
- Cookies: Freudian psychology.
- Sweet Tea: A strong Southern gentleman to take care of you.
- Pasta/Carbs: Pasta/Carbs.
- Ice: The sweet release of death.